Saturday, January 23, 2010

My First Marriage

I should have never said yes.

This is a short analysis of the relationship, how it started, where it went and why it died. I hope to write a deeper in depth review of the marriage in the next few days, weeks, months or years.

I met my first wife just after I graduated from college. Marrying her was a big mistake but I did it. I am not trying to justify my stupidity. I am just trying to explain it and maybe get a better understanding of myself. Also, I have never discussed the relationship with the two children we created. I do not mean to insinuate that she was stupid or that I was not at fault for our breakup. She was a very intelligent but uneducated girl and I was a highly educated but stupid man that should have never let the relationship get started. I was a 30 year old college graduate. She was a seventeen year old divorcee and a high school dropout. I should have known better but in those days I did most of my thinking without my brain being involved.

I am hoping to explain the relationship so my children can understand it and know why it was doomed from the beginning. This is a story I should have told them in their early teens but was afraid to. Even now I am hesitant to visit this story because I do not want them to think that because the marriage was a mistake that they were also a mistake. It is much easier to avoid the past than to analyze it.

Our relationship started in an all night café where I went for coffee and to hang out. I was 30 years old and just starting my first job after graduating from college. I would stop in to wind down, drink coffee and play the pin ball machine.

Wendi was the daughter of the night cook Hazel and had just started working there as a waitress. She was only 17 but she was going through a divorce. She was young, very pretty, very sexy and a flirt. At first I was really aware of the age difference and I was not interested in her as a possible girl friend. It was not long before that changed. I really wanted to go out with her.

One evening she dared me to take her for a ride to lookout point where the young went to neck. I did but we did not neck. I told her that I was too old for her and beside that, I thought her mother would kill us or me. We talked and she told me that she really liked me and wanted me to take her out. When we returned Hazel was waiting for us and she was mad as hell. I did not avoid her but went right to her and explained that nothing had happened and that we just talked. Then I told her that I wanted to date Wendi and she said that since I had been man enough to come in and face her, she was not opposed to me dating her daughter.

I know the question of age is still bugging everyone that is reading or listening to this story. How could a mother not object to her 17 year old daughter going with a 30 year old man? I wish she had but she didn’t. There were two reasons. First Wendi had already been married so she was not a teenage virgin and second, Hazel had married a man 30 years older that her. The age difference was not a problem for her.

My romancing of Ms. Wendi Craven began. At first I never considered marriage but as the relationship graduated from hot passionate necking to hot passionate sex, I felt obligated to ask her to marry me and I did. She said yes and we eloped to Las Vegas.

I shouldn’t have been a gentleman and saved her honor. It would have been much better to have had a wild fling and moved on. We were doomed from the beginning. We had too many differences and only one thing in common. The differences were, age, education, life experience and moral attitude. The one thing we had in common was sexual desire. We could not make a good marriage based on sex. That became evident after 4 years and 2 children.

Coming next ….…the drug wars.


anthonynorth said...

A brave decision to write this.

linda may said...

A lesson in learning to follow the heart instead of the.....

Connie Wolf said...

If this story was lived today, it would have had a different ending. A good thing? Maybe not.
I do applaud your honesty.

Stan Ski said...

Cause, effect, consequence -Sometimes you have to live hard to learn

Americanising Desi said...

very brave expression!


if said...

I enjoy reading this...!